The End.

I remember when I was in middle school and every time we passed by Jefferson I always mentioned  that’s the school I’ll be going to soon…

It was 4pm of June 06 when I started getting dressed. I arrived to the Alamodome with my friend about an hour later, glad to see other students were already there. We entered inside, i put on the gown and cap, still not being able to grasp the idea that I, we were graduating. We were standing for a very long time, and all I could do was look around. I was only able to see people wearing alot of chords, which made me upset. I felt unsatisfied, for I was only wearing one chord and two medals; I wanted more because I knew I could have done more, but now it’s too late to do anything. Only thing I was able to do was keep in mind what to do, so college will be a better experience. Finally we took the panoramic picture, and we were headed to the tunnels…

There was a total of 12 or 13 rows of students, I was in line 10. I wanted to get it over, but as it approached my line, I didn’t want to go anymore. . . . My row got up, and went backstage. My legs started shaking, my heartbeat was increasing, I was getting scared. . . .I was on stage, other people before me, and I was amazed to see the amount of people in the audience. They called out my name, and all I was waiting was the announcement of where I was attending college so I could turn and get my certificate. . . .I was on my way to my chair and couldn’t believe it was over for me.

All we get is less than a minute on stage, a “book” with a paper inside saying we completed school, and the cap…that’s the only recognition we get for spending 14 years in school? It doesn’t seem enough. And I honestly don’t think anyone would be able to “thank us” enough for completing high school or college.

It still hasn’t hit me that I’ll be entering college. There was no tears, no good bye’s…last people I saw were the people that sat on my side…but I do know all fears and intimidation will arrive once August gets here. I just hope for the best, and this time there will be no excuse on why I didn’t achieve anything, because mistakes were done in high school and learned from.

Longing.(04-16-10)

When so much time has passed by, wanting something gets confused with accustom. We think we want it and can’t live without it, but reality is the opposite. We are able to live without it and maybe we’ll do better. . . .  Let’s call this person, object, thing, a Star.

The Star made her the happiest she’s ever been. Although as time progress the situation hardened and even got jeopardize, Star stuck through and continued by her side as promised. A promise she’ll be disappointed if it didn’t get fulfilled. A promise that she believed in and wanted to be true so bad. But after 338 days, her Star was suddenly gone. The bleakness it created, the isolation, the lugubriosity. However, 34 days later the light of the Star came back, but it wasn’t the same.

494 days passed by, having the hope that the Star will give the same luminosity as it used to. But it never did. And while waiting for the wish to come true, second thoughts crossed her head…but she never seize them, for she was scared to be lead to an unknown path. Her Star has been with her so long, it seemed necessary to have it. But she was wrong. And these time, as time progress, things weren’t getting better. Sometimes she found herself not wanting her Star, but she felt she needed to have it. Sometimes she felt repulsed by the Star, but she felt she needed to have it. Problems increased, anger was always in the air, and the light was dim almost to disappearing…but she felt she needed to have it. But by the 494th day it was time to let go of the pointy Star that created pain, in both having it and letting it go.

Now she’s there, alone once again, but feeling survivable. She doesn’t fear the unknown, but does miss the usualness…the routine she sometimes detested. The Star is gone but the presence will always remain… And I guess at the very bottom, she will always long for the Star…

Reminder.(04-09-10)

Time is a man-made invention,” my English teacher said. Sometimes I forget the obvious truth, and assume what happens around me is similar everywhere else, including out of this world. But that’s not the case, not even in the same region of the world.

Thinking of eternity gives me fear. Apeirophobia.

How is it possible that someone invented time? Why did they even invent time? Who came up with it? Is it actually need it? Would we ever know the answers?

Looking at the greater picture, time is used to “keep track of stuff” but why? If it doesn’t exist, why are we so depended on it? It makes me feel silly for us to depend on something that technically doesn’t exist. Come to think about it, it’s weird. Come to think about it, no one can ridicule any other person for idolizing something for we all do it, towards time.

When we think “Oh, time passed by fast.” is actually an illusion, for there’s a simple explanation for that…and for when time passes by slow.

When we are entertained we are interested in something, not having a moment to check time and keep track of it…and next time we do see it, time passed by so fast. Unlike on the other hand, when we’re bored we are doing nothing therefore we have more of a chance to be checking the time constantly, realizing how long a minute actually.

Time is so simple…yet it can be complex. And I guess Chuck Norris made time so he could tell if it was time to kick ass. ;]

Espanol.(03-26-10)

So this year I’ll also be taking the Spanish AP Test. I figured it’ll be easy, since it’s my first language, but turns out I may be forgetting it…or I never developed it fully. But anywho, since last month we’ve been doing drills everyday, and it’s becoming a drag! Everyday we hear someone talking, with different accents, and some of them are slightly harder to comprehend, but there’s no time to waste, for you have to be answering questions as you go along. At least that’s a strategy you can do. In one of the sections of the test we listen to an interview and at the end we answer the questions, which can be simple because we can read the questions ahead of time and know what information to listen to. But on another section, all it shows are the answers, so it’s a bit more challenging,  but by taking notes it eases a little. There’s also a writing section, but I’m prepared for it, for I’ll be using my knowledge gained from my english teacher and interpreted in spanish. I’m confident that I should be able to pass, all I need is resistance for three hours, for I’ll be listening to uninterested stories that can become tedious and knock down the focus I have.

My Top 4 Universities.(02-26-10)

So I’ve been accepted to the 5 universities I applied to, except Trinity, but they claim they haven’t received my transcripts although I did send them months ago. And I’m not sure I should try to resend them, since it’s a very prestigious school and have very high expectations and don’t think I’ll be able to keep up. Bu anywho, now that I’ve been accepted, I’m not able to make up my mind on which school to go to; Texas State at San Marcos, UTSA, St. Mary’s, or Incarnate Word.

It really comes down to money, and sadly, I still haven’t done my financial aid…which I hope to do sometime soon! But if that weren’t the case, I would still have a hard time deciding which one to go, because they all offer good qualilties and are very good, known schools.

I would like to go to Texas State because they offer the 5 year Integrated Plan, which allows you to graduate with a bachelor’s and master’s degree (if you do accounting, which is what I inted, or general business). I would like to go to Incarnate Word because that’s been my dream school ever since I started paying attention to colleges and their works. I would like to go to UTSA because I’ve attended there before, am familiriaze, and think it’s a very good school. And I would like to go to St.Mary’s because I’ve also gone there, and the teachings will be fantastic and am sure their expectations will help me keep my expectations good and achieved…. I still have a couple of weeks left to keep thinking and finally conclude, but till then, I will continue giving myself a headache and hoping to make the right choice.

A Working Rainbow.(02-19-10)

In Physics, we learned about light reflection… and what intrigued me the most is how a simple light ray can reflect several different colors. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, and Purple are these colors.

Indigo was once part of this list, however it was found to be a mixture of two colors making it not an original color, and eventually taking it away. It was also said that it was only added because it was part of the artist’s wheel. But the acronym VIBGYOR won’t be able to be used anymore, for the I representing Indigo doesn’t exist.

But going back to  reflection, light enters the raindrop then reflects off the side of the drop and exits. This process is called angle bending. During that time, the angle received is reflected in the same angle creating the diverse colors. This process is sometimes compared to tiny prisms for the cause of the way raindrops work in the air.

Opposites in Math.(02-12-10)

This is my senior year, and for math I’m taking AP Calculus AB. It’s a challenging course, especially when almost everyday we learn a new lesson. So I must admit I don’t always understand what we’re learning, but one I did understood was My Inverse Function.

Let’s start by stating that f(x) is the same as ‘y’
They give you an equation and a y-value…

For example:  f(x)=X^2 (it means X-squared) and f(6)=36; the number in the parenthesis is the X-value,  and the 36 is the y-value.

The next step is to make the first function inverse.. So since f(x) is originally y, it becomes X, and the y-value in the function becomes x… So f(x)=X^2 becomes X=y^2.

After inverting them, you have to find the derivative… Variables always have the value of 1, since it’s thought that their exponent is of one. And the variables that do have exponents, the number is brought to the front of the variable and the new exponent is -1 of the original number… So x=y^2  becomes  1=2y dy/dx

Then the number after the equal sign becomes the denominator of the number before the equal sign (1/2y) and the dy/dx stay on the other side of the equal sign… So now it looks like this 1/2y=dy/dx

After that, dy/dx is canceled. And using the equation, we plug in the X-value, which originally was 6 (remember f(6)=36) …And now we have 1/2(6) which equals to 1/12…and thats your final answer.


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Whaling, Fun? (02-05-10)

Since last week, or so, in my English class we started reading Moby Dick. Just by seeing the size of the book seemed intimidating. I started to procrastinate in reading, even though I knew I had to because we’ll be having quizzes on it. I set up excuses to myself and started doing other kinds of work, and left the reading to last. But once reading it, and actually do engaged reading, the story seemed interesting. It got my attention, and now reading it doesn’t seem like a burden.

By overcoming and changing my attitude towards the reading, it reminded me of Steiner’s analyzes “On Difficulty.” Back in November, our English teacher discussed briefly the reasons Steiner found out on why people have difficulty in problem solving, and one of them is modal difficulty. Modal difficulty comes from a reader’s lack of familiarity or comfort with the mode or form of literary expression thus creating the student put down the book, drop the class, procrastinate, or argue about the content simply because of the form the assignment is on. It’s very difficult to overcome it, but its possible…simply by changing their attitude and behavior towards it.

When I realized what I had accomplished, it showed how strong the mind is and how anything is possible. It may be a simple accomplishment, acknowledging is just a book, but being able to finish a book of that size and knowing I don’t enjoy reading, makes me feel I can do other things and nothing but myself can stop me from accomplishing.